How I Learned To Love Coronal Mass Ejections
In 1859, a storm like no other in human history ravage the planet. Oddly enough, it was neither rain, nor snow, nor hurricane winds that did the damage. This storm […]
Comedic Misgivings
April 15th and The Emotional Audit
I dreamed of a distant future last night. It wasn’t a post-apocalyptic wasteland with acidified oceans and vomit colored sunsets, and the surviving population wasn’t dodging a race of zombified […]
Bother… It’s Easy!
It’s a hackneyed gripe, and the last thing I want is to sound embittered, but I swear to god, I’ll shoot up a CVS the next time I get an […]
In The Gutter, But Looking At The… Exoplanets
Like so many who find themselves sickened at the epic stupidity of American election politics, I often hear the reverberating echo of “If (dipshit candidate’s name here) gets elected, I’m […]
The Benefits of F%#&ing Off
“I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous, and that what needs to […]
You’re An Idiot And It’s Not Your Fault
A slew of recent scientific studies have finally begun to shed light on the likely reason so many people are so astonishingly stupid. Not to worry, but the shocking new […]
Airport Insecurity
It takes all the self-restraint one can muster at the airport, when asked with a straight face at check-in “if you are carrying any hazardous materials or if anyone has […]
Extremophiles: Noxious & Loving It
There was a highly compelling rumor orbiting the biosphere at the beginning of December that NASA had finally discovered verifiable alien life. It was not clear in aggregators like The […]
Scoring Ain’t Easy
Occasionally on this whirling carousel called life, things just seem to click: the deal closes, the plants flower, the opposite sex finds us irresistible and throws themselves at us without […]
The Iceman Bummeth
Of all the positions in all the wide world of sports, one stands alone with the dubious distinction of being the loneliest: that of the ice hockey goalie. All goalies […]
The Unfortunately Fortunate
One of the most serious dangers in economic downturns such as these is turning a blind-eye to the neediest of cases. As usual, the hardest hit group of all has […]
Post Modern Woman
As a post modern woman in new millennia America, I often find myself wishing, willing even, that there were more than twenty-three point four hours in a day. Time is […]
Philosophical Foreplay
The woman in my bed was such a dollface. So unlike the women I had been with before. She had a subtle beauty, one that would look good in extreme […]
Lose Your Cash and Your Ass Will Follow
When I was but thirteen years of age, a slick haired, befreckled Latino man in a New York Cosmos guayabera approached me on a Metro North train bound for the […]
Wanderlust
What’s most essential about cities like Manhattan, Paris and London are not their endlessly variegated tiers of high and low culture, their multitudes of peopledom, or their architectural majesty. Those […]
The Whole Wide World
It was far too many bits for any one brain to process. It was the entire information age exploded inward, swirling like some three dimensional Rorschach lava lamp broken open […]
Roller F**king: A Beating For George Carlin
According to the astrological sciences, Aquarians are preternaturally disposed to loyalty. Even when they’re ten years old and a parental interrogation heats up to the point of unethical tactics. “Answer […]
Easy Tiger
Maybe you can be of some help here. I have a wonderful, handsome, on-his-way-to-wealthy single friend I’d love to set up with a cute, smart, deserving young woman who wants […]
Red, Green, Orange and Blue Bloods
There’s more in New York. It’s the undeniable lure that draws so many to the city, even with its implicit trade-offs. One positive that’s a negative is the choice of […]
Stream of Consciousness
From Unequalibrium, inspired by my toubab, Luke Q. If you’re finding yourself depressed, but not clinically, locked in a myopic worldview, or simply unappreciative of the fact that you’re […]
When I Was Your Age
Are you ready for bed yet, kitty cat? It’s getting late, so be a good girl and climb into your jelly pod. Grandpa wants to talk to you about something… […]