The Dope on Ancient Olympians
As the Rio Olympics captivate us with fantastical feats of athleticism, it’s hard not to reflect on the glorious origins of the Greek Olympiad, dating back to 776 BC, and […]
philosophy
Bother… It’s Easy!
It’s a hackneyed gripe, and the last thing I want is to sound embittered, but I swear to god, I’ll shoot up a CVS the next time I get an […]
Head In The Clouds
It is said that Anaximander, the legendary pre-Socratic thinker from Miletus in Ionia, student of Thales, and teacher of Pythagoras, was on the toilet dropping a deuce when he decided […]
The Benefits of F%#&ing Off
“I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous, and that what needs to […]
One-Man Shows and the Woman Who Perfected Them
Even though I’ve been the only person on stage for five original theater pieces, I never tell people I’m doing a “one-man” show. There’s no faster way to turn […]
The One Man Odyssey
The history of the one-person show is likely as old as language itself. Maybe older. It’s not unreasonable to imagine an overly animated, pre-linguistic Australopithecus grunting out story points in […]
Stage vs. Film
There was an awkward moment after the Off-Broadway opening of The Common Air. The play, which links 6 characters during an airport delay, was written with Robert McCaskill, who also […]
The Air In Ojai
I did not recognize the 805 area code, but after answering my reliably spotty iPhone, I was surprised to learn it was an equity theater in Ojai, California who wanted […]
Philosophical Foreplay
The woman in my bed was such a dollface. So unlike the women I had been with before. She had a subtle beauty, one that would look good in extreme […]
The Topography of an Audience pt 1
From the stage, it’s never boring figuring out what type of audience you‘re performing for. Audiences are limitlessly fascinating. They’re living organisms. They may act as a whole, but like […]
The Topography of an Audience pt 2
Once they settle into their seats, the topography of an audience is a fascinating thing to measure. Bleecker 45 is a 300 seat house with a thrust stage, meaning the […]
Michelangelo Was A Hack
It is easy to forget when looking celestially at the dizzying brilliance of the Sistine Chapel’s intricate ceiling that Michelangelo was, at one time, a complete and total hack. At […]
Control, Alt, Repeat
“How do you remember all those words?” It’s a common question civilians often ask of actors. And the basic answer, save horse-sized pills of Ginkgo biloba, is brutal repetition. […]
You Asked For It
Whenever you produce a play, you can be sure there’ll be a confluence of conspiracies awaiting you prior to opening that will insure the maximum amount of stress and anxiety […]
I Me Mine
(Originally published in Elmore Magazine) It was somewhere between the birth of Napster and credit default swaps– when the rest of our understanding of how markets work went out the […]
Freddy D’s Party on 114th
The newlyweds in 5L pull open the door at the same time my boy D does, and we all step into the hall landing, blinking freshly ceased sleep from our […]
The Whole Wide World
It was far too many bits for any one brain to process. It was the entire information age exploded inward, swirling like some three dimensional Rorschach lava lamp broken open […]
My Creative Genius
People often ask me, “How do you do it? How do you continually create such timelessly inspiring oeuvres of sesquapedalianism?” I laugh, sometimes to myself, because in truth, there’s really no […]
Roller F**king: A Beating For George Carlin
According to the astrological sciences, Aquarians are preternaturally disposed to loyalty. Even when they’re ten years old and a parental interrogation heats up to the point of unethical tactics. “Answer […]
Before the Corridor
It was January 2000 and America breathed a collective sigh of what-ever at the undevastating non-effects of theY2K bug. For months prior, the algorithm had been fear-mongered onto every front […]